u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
