it was like his penis was on wheels.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
