I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
