Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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