i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
