I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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