headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
