I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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