i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
