Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I pour the whiskey from now on
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
