I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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