I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
