Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
