wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
