Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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