No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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