Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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