I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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