I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
