Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
