im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
