Dude my mom stole all your condoms
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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