I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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