The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
My legs feel like baby dolphins
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
