So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
