textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
