The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
