I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
