every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
