all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
