I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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