I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
