You really coming over, don't trick.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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