just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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