Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
