i don't like sucking hair
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
