i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
