Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
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