Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
