whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
