So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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