That's intense
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
