Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
