I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
false alarm. still invincible.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
They are going to name an STD after you.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
