please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
