apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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