dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
