you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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