U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
