i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
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