i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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