Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
