Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
