he shaved USA in his pubs
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
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