hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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