She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
