Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
