I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
My cat gives me a boner
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
